How to Stay Safe Online Dating
We were recently asked how to stay safe online dating and on dating apps, so here are our 21 tips for a safer online dating experience.
Statistics tell us that the online dating world can be challenging, with approximately 1 in 10 online dating profiles being fakes, no criminal records checks and around a third of people on dating apps reporting harassment or abuse from someone they met on an app.
What’s more, cases of sexual assault and rape are reported by people using online dating apps, with sexual predators using these apps to profile and target their next victims.
However! Not everyone on online dating is a psychopath! You can have a safe and fun experience if you follow some online dating safety tips.
SAFE ONLINE DATING TIPS
The key to safe online dating is to take things slowly, do your detective work, trust your instinct and be cautious. Here’s how!
1. CHOOSE A REPUTABLE ONLINE DATING APP
Do your research before choosing an online dating app and pick one of the larger more reputable sites.
Unfortunately, there are scam dating apps and fake sites.
Read reviews of the online dating apps and check out their security features and how to block and report people.
2. USE A NEW AND UNIQUE PROFILE PICTURE
Don’t use the same profile picture as you have on social media or anywhere else.
Take a new photo for the online dating app.
Why?
People can do a ‘reverse image search’ on Google to find where your picture has been used before. This would give them access to social profiles and personal information that you don’t want to share yet.
When you take your profile picture, ensure that there is nothing in the background that could identify where you live or work.
Also, don’t use ‘live’ mode when you take the photo as this can include geolocation information that could allow them to trace your location.
3. CHECK YOUR SETTINGS ON THE APP
Don’t give too much away - either in your bio or in your settings.
Only use your first name or a nickname.
Don’t be too specific with your location - give a wider area so that you can’t easily be located.
Don’t link to your social media profiles - this provides too much personal information and access to your life.
4. DO YOUR DETECTIVE WORK
It is so easy to set up a fake online dating profile, and with an estimated 1 in 10 accounts being fake, you need to do some digging to check if they are real.
‘Catfishing’ is common in online dating; this is where someone sets up a fake profile and tricks you into having a romance, friendship or relationship with them.
Their motives can vary from wanting to scam money out of you, targeting you as a victim of their sexual violence, trying to get information to blackmail you, trying to get nude or explicit photos for sextortion, stealing your identity, or embarrassing or shaming you by revealing your secrets and that you fell for their scam.
To avoid this you need to be cautious. Look at:
Their bio - is there enough information
Their photo - do a ‘reverse image search’ on Google to see where it has been used before
If they have links to socials check them out
If you have their full name do some Google searches on them.
If you get the feeling that they’re a bit ‘off’ or they sound too good to be true, then they probably are! Block them and move on.
5. DON’T SHARE PERSONAL INFORMATION
As you chat on the app and get to know each other, it is natural to share information about yourself. Just be careful not to give away anything they could use to track you down or use against you.
Don’t give away your:
Surname
Email address
Social links
Phone number - stay within the app
Home address
Place of work
Financial information
Schools, colleges or universities you went to
Children’s names (if you have them).
Just explain that you don’t want to share personal information until you know them better. Any decent person would understand and accept this.
6. STAY WITHIN THE APP
Don’t communicate with them outside the app until you are well and truly sure that you want to take things further with them.
If you stay within the app and want to end communication, you just block them.
If you’ve shared a phone number, email address or social link it is much harder to disconnect from them. And, if they don’t take no for an answer, they have an easy way to keep on contacting you.
The other benefit of staying within the app is that they usually can’t send you photos, especially unsolicited explicit photos.
If you’ve started chatting on WhatsApp, for example, you could become one of the many victims of Cyberflashing. This is where you are sent explicit images or videos without your consent.
7. BEWARE OF ONLINE DATING RED FLAGS
If you experience any of these situations, take them as major red flags! Block, report anonymously and move on.
Love bombing - excessive and intense compliments, affection, attention, promises and even declarations of ‘love at first sight’. This behaviour is often used to manipulate and control you and is a red flag for controlling and abusive behaviour and for scams.
Pressuring you in any way - whether it is to go on a date sooner than you are ready, to share your phone number or personal information or to message them back quicker. A good person will understand that you may be nervous and want to take things slowly.
Inconsistency - this could be in how they sound, in details that they have shared or between what they say in their bio and how they come across. If you notice an inconsistency, pay attention, don’t dismiss it.
Being vague - ok, so maybe they don’t want to get catfished either, but being vague or not answering questions is a worry. What are they trying to hide?
Blowing hot and cold - do you really want to start a relationship with someone who is messaging you loads one day, then disappears for a few days, then comes back full-on with no excuse? This doesn’t bode well for a happy ending.
Asking for nudes or explicit photos - no matter how much you like them, sending sexy pics is not for the early stages of your relationship. They could easily be used against you or shared online. Our advice - don’t share any photo that you wouldn’t be happy for your mum or gran to see!
Controlling behaviour - if they are trying to persuade or control you at this stage in the relationship it is a major red flag. Your chats should feel effortless and fun with both of you moving at the same pace.
Ghosting - this happens a lot with online dating so don’t take it personally and don’t try to ‘get them back’. If someone ignores you or stands you up on a date, see it as a lucky escape because if they were a good person they would have the decency to let you know they weren’t interested.
8. LOOK OUT FOR COMMON ONLINE DATING SCAMS
Look out for these common online dating scams:
Military romance scams - where they use a fake profile and claim to have been deployed and need you to send money for equipment or for a flight home.
Inheritance scams - where they need your help to inherit money but they need you to pay for something first.
Malware scams - where they ask you to follow a link to their social profile or personal web page and this page installs malware that can access your personal data.
Cryptocurrency scams - where they tell you about an amazing failsafe investment, then when you invest your money disappears.
Sob-story scams - where they give you a story of some disaster or injury that has happened and they need money or your personal information to help.
Sextortion - where they ask for nudes or explicit videos and then try to blackmail you.
This list could go on and on but you get the idea. The theme is that they are asking for money, personal information, photos or for you to follow a link or call a phone number. If you get asked to do any of those things, block and report!
Also, be aware that many of them are in this for the long game! The scam can come weeks or months into the relationship once they feel they’ve gained your trust.
9. TRUST YOUR GUT INSTINCT
I think I’ve put this in every blog I’ve written and we say it every time we train people in self defence - trust your instinct!
Your gut instinct is your internal warning alarm.
If your gut is telling you that something isn’t right, listen to it and act upon it.
Don’t tell yourself you’re ‘just being silly or over-cautious’.
Don’t tell yourself ‘they’re probably a really nice person’.
Block and move on - there are plenty more people to meet.
10. BLOCK AND REPORT ANONYMOUSLY
If the person you are chatting to is giving you red flags, being creepy, asking for personal details or you think they’re trying to scam you, block and report them anonymously.
If you report them then there’s more chance that they’ll get found out and removed from the online dating app.
11. TAKE IT SLOW
Yes, it’s exciting when you meet someone new but try to resist the temptation to rush into things!
Take your time, get to know them properly and if they’re the right person for you they’ll wait as long as you need them to.
If they pressure you to move too fast, let them go.
12. VIDEO CHAT A FEW TIMES BEFORE MEETING
Arrange to video chat a few times before you meet in person. This can save you from awkward and potentially dangerous dates.
Notice their body language on the call - does it match what they are saying? Are you picking up on any subconscious warning signs? Listen to them.
Don’t give away your entire life story during these first dates. Scammers and predators are very clever at taking details from your life and personality and using them to manipulate you.
13. FIRST DATE - MEET IN A PUBLIC PLACE FOR A COFFEE
Plan your first meet-up to be short, during the day and in a public place.
Meeting for a coffee is perfect as it allows you to make a quick and easy escape if you don’t like them.
Don’t choose your local hang-out though!
If they turn out to be a creep you could find that they come back to try and watch you or meet you. Then you’ll end up losing your favourite coffee shop as you’ll be avoiding them!
Choose an area that you know but that isn’t too close to home - you don’t want to bump into them if things don’t work out.
14. AVOID ALCOHOL
This may not be the advice you want to hear! But drinking on dates with people you don’t know can be dangerous for a few reasons:
After a couple of drinks, your senses aren’t as sharp and you may miss warning signs.
When drinking, you lose your inhibitions and may do something you normally wouldn’t, such as going home with them. Sexual predators will try to get you drunk to commit their assault.
You will be less likely to notice if your drink is spiked.
People around are less likely to notice you have been spiked i.e. if you were spiked having a coffee your behaviour would be very noticeable vs. in a bar where people are drunk.
Try to avoid alcohol if you can on early dates - if you can’t, then never accept a drink from them or leave your drink unattended.
15. CHECK IN WITH A FRIEND
Tell a friend about your date and check in with them several times during the date.
You could even tell your date what you are doing - saying you have an over-protective friend who wants to make sure you are safe.
In reality, this step isn’t going to keep you safe as your friend isn’t with you and can’t protect you. However, it may deter or unnerve your date if they were planning an assault.
16. ARRANGE YOUR OWN TRANSPORT (THERE AND BACK)
Don’t let them pick you up or drop you off - no matter how fancy their car is!
Don’t let them walk you home either.
This gives them your address and you don’t want them to have access to your place of sanctuary.
Plan your own travel to and from the date - arrange it yourself so you know you can trust it.
17. DON’T LEAVE BELONGINGS UNATTENDED
Don’t leave your belongings unattended during your date.
This could give an opportunist chance to steal from you or for a scammer to take photos of your personal information or credit cards etc. Or a sexual predator could look to see if something has your address on.
18. HAVE A FULLY CHARGED PHONE & TURN ON LOCATION FINDER APP
Charge your phone up so you don’t lose contact with your friends and family. Also, you don’t want to rely on them or use their phone.
Use an app such as Life 360 which gives your location to your chosen circle of friends. They can see that you are where you told them you were going.
19. ATTACH A PERSONAL SAFETY ALARM TO YOUR BAG OR KEY CHAIN
Having a personal alarm at easy activating distance can give you a way to attract attention and shock someone to stop if things go bad. It may even deter them if they see it on your bag.
I have a personal safety alarm attached to the outside of all my bags.
20. MAKE YOUR EXCUSES AND GO
Remember - you don’t owe them anything! It doesn’t matter if they have paid for lunch, dinner or whatever!
If you don’t like them or want to leave, just make your excuses and go.
It helps if you have an excuse prepared in advance, rather than trying to come up with something under pressure!
If you feel unsafe, you may want to call a friend to come and get you or you could speak to the staff wherever you are.
In the UK, we have a scheme called ‘Ask for Angela’, where you can ask bar staff ‘Is Angela there?’ and they will know you are in trouble and will discreetly help you.
21. LEARN SELF DEFENCE!
Learning self defence is empowering and can be life-saving. Having the skills, knowledge and mindset to protect yourself is invaluable.
Ask yourself this question now:
“If my date attacked me, how would I defend myself?”
Do you have the answer?
If not, then learning simple but effective self defence moves will keep you safer when online dating.
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